OPINION COLUMNS

Mascot battle for best in the land

By Racey Burden | Published Saturday, December 9, 2017
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The college football playoff is upon us.

My team, Oklahoma, actually made it this year, which was exciting and also somewhat surprising (I watched OU play Texas, Kansas State and OSU in close games and wondered if we would make it out with wins). Clemson, Georgia and Alabama are also in, leaving the Buckeyes of Ohio State out in the cold. I can’t pretend to be too upset about that, because I’m mostly just glad it’s not my team. Also, that eliminates one of the weirder mascots of college football from showing up in all the playoff pre-game coverage, which is fine by me.

Racey Burden

But it got me thinking – sure, there are plenty of arguments for why Oklahoma and the others are the best teams this year, but what if we had a mascot-based playoff? Would the same teams still be in?

No. No they would not.

Taking it upon myself to be the Mascot College Football Playoff Committee, I hold all the votes and make all the rules. I, and I alone, will decide which schools have the top mascots in the land.

No. 4 – Florida’s Albert and Alberta Gator.

Look, alligators are one of the more creative animals a team could choose to be. Also, they’re in love and that’s adorable. No, I don’t actually know the back story there, but they have the same last name and they wear matching clothes to every game, and that spells out long-term marriage to me.

No. 3 – West Virginia’s Mountaineer

No, I don’t understand WVU. They burn couches before home games, doubtless releasing a lot of dust bunnies into the environment. But they also have a literal, Davy Crockett-esque mountain man, complete with rifle and buckskins, as their mascot. He’s not currently allowed on OU’s campus (something about the gun, I think), and that prohibited status makes him even cooler.

No. 2 – Auburn’s War Eagle

It’s an eagle that flies around their stadium on game day. What more is there to say?

No. 1 – Colorado’s Ralphie

Ralphie is a buffalo that runs across Colorado’s field, held back only by a group of dedicated college students holding onto the reins for dear life. Sometimes he drags them around, and that’s pretty entertaining, too.

In the semi-finals, the cute-factor of Albert and Alberta will no doubt work against them as the fake gators are trampled by a real-life buffalo. I’m not sure that the War Eagle could escape the Mountaineer, who has a gun.

In the finals, things would probably get messy, because I imagine shooting a charging buffalo is no easy task. I’m going to set the line at even and call it a day. You decide who you think will win that battle.

Racey Burden is a Messenger reporter.

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