Weight loss proves to be emotional roller coaster

By ROBERT MORGAN

One thing that all obese men and women have in common is avoiding scales like the plague. I know that first hand and that’s why I did not step on one for almost five years until I decided to save my life.

Today, the scale and I are best friends – I try to spend as much time around one as possible. Every couple of weeks when I get to visit my new-found friend at the hospital, I’m as happy as a kid in a candy store.

I know when hopping onto the scale that I’m going to get a treat. However, I became more hesitant In January when the 100-pound weight loss mark got closer.

There were two weeks where I refused to weigh-in because I did not want to be disappointed. I just knew after all the hard work and strict dieting that I would come up a pound short.

I had dropped 95 pounds in four short months when I stopped by the hospital Jan. 8. Two weeks later I kicked the 100-pound door, and it wasn’t easy.

The only way I would reach the century mark in two weeks – which is three months ahead of schedule – is I had to continue my routine at EDGE Fitness 3-4 times a week.

It had only been three days since I was stared down at the gym by a couple of rude kids. I considered not going back to that gym for the exact same reason people with weight problems avoid working out – we are a sideshow to the cruel world.

With the great weight-loss news I just got at the hospital, there was nothing that could keep me away from the treadmill and weight room. In fact, my wife Marissa and I worked out four times each of the next two weeks.

My routine also changed a little. I increased by my cardio time to 50 minutes with steady inclines.

After getting my heart racing like a rabid rabbit, I hit the weight room for another 45 minutes. I do five sets of 12-15 repetitions on each machine, including leg extensions, bicep curls, pushdowns, rear deltoid lifts and pectoral fly.

My physically activity increased away from the gym as well. I consistently find myself walking more often and longer distances, and I help more around the house.

Whether it’s cleaning a room or doing the dishes every night, my role around the house has increased each week. I know it’s been a relief to my wife, but the odd thing is that I actually like doing more household work.

It’s a lot like going to the gym – the more I do, the more I like it.

As I catch myself doing more and more, I also have noticed my appetite increasing. Of course, my trainers said that’s expected since my physical activity has increased significantly.

Still, I was afraid to eat more. I did not want to be fat anymore. I know I’m losing weight at a record pace, but it never seems to be fast enough.

An average weight loss of 20-25 pounds a month is more than any patient ever at Denton Presbyterian Hospital. However, I’m also fully aware that at 509 pounds, I’m the heaviest patient at the hospital, so a bigger loss should be expected.

I was scheduled to weigh myself Jan. 19, one day before the fourth-month mark since my Lap-Band surgery. The ride to the hospital was rather lonely as I had little to say while I chewed on my finger nails the whole way.

In fact, I didn’t eat or drink anything that day until I got my answer on the scale.

With photographer Joe Duty, my wife, nurse Judy Spira and several members of the out-patient surgery team that have been following my journey on hand for the big day, I was afraid to let everyone down.

I didn’t want to be a failure. I’ve failed many times in life, but never with an audience.

I stepped on the scale with sweaty palms and a racing heart. The long five-second delay as my weight was calculated ended in celebration.

I threw my fists in the air like Brandi Chastain did when the United States women’s soccer team won the World Cup. The only difference is that I didn’t drop to my knees in a sports bra.

The reading on the scale was 404, down 10 pounds in two weeks and 105 since my surgery in September.

The scale victory was a huge milestone in my fight against obesity. But there have been other benefits in this journey that do not include numbers.

My wife and I sleep a lot better at night now that my mild sleep apnea has gone away. The snoring is gone and it’s been more than two months since I have dealt with shortness of breath while sleeping.

My feet have not been swollen in nearly two months. Previously, I would wake up most mornings with swollen feet simply from walking the day before.

Not only have I lost two inches in my shoe size, but for the first time in five years I can put on socks without struggles or assistance. There’s no more need to lay down, lean against a wall or prop my feet on the arm of the couch.

I can also tie my shoes after putting them on. For the last few years, I had to leave my shoes tied and I would slip them on each morning.

The days of driving without a seatbelt are a thing of the past as well. It’s all the small things that most people take for granted that are rewarding for an obese person.

There is one thing that others have noticed — I’m a lot faster on my feet.

When walking with family or a group of friends, I now find myself walking ahead of everyone. Before, I always trailed and relied on others to wait on me.

Despite my new-found will power and the success in losing weight and working out, the cravings still haunt me from time to time.

On the rare occasion that I feel there is something I just have to have but I’m not supposed to eat, well, I chew and spit.

I have learned that cravings do not mean it’s time to eat but rather a time to treat. So, for instance, if my favorite German chocolate cake is calling my name, I have a bite.

Once I get a taste, I spit it into a napkin and toss it out. Cravings are rare for me since my appetite is limited. But I’m only human. This has been the best way to conquer them.

My New Year’s goal was to lose my first 100 pounds by the end of February and to weigh no more than 299 pounds by Dec. 31, 2007. I achieved my first goal, so I have to keep working hard if I am to make my end-of-the year milestone.

My wife and I continue to work out 3-4 times a week. The only difficulty I have at the gym now is keeping my shorts up while I’m on the treadmill.

I have lost nine inches in my waist since September, and I do not have shorts that fit anymore. It’s a great problem to have but it’s also an expensive one because big-guy clothes are not cheap.

The next weight check wasn’t until February. I expected my weight loss to slow down since I had lost so much in the first fourth months.

Unfortunately, I was right this time. I lost just two pounds in three weeks since surpassing the century mark. I called Dr. Curtis Mosier to tell him the not-so-good news and he asked to see me.

Mosier scheduled a third Lap-Band fill the following week to tighten the grip on my stomach. It was hard to stay motivated at the gym. All the work I had done the last three weeks and all I had to show for it was a mere two-pound loss.

I made a quick run to the hospital on Valentine’s day — the day before my scheduled fill — to check my weight. If I had lost more than five pounds, a fill would not be needed.

I was disappointed again. I tipped the scale at an even 400 pounds. Not only was I dejected because I had only lost two pounds, but I also didn’t crack the 300s.

A four-pound loss for the month had me discouraged. I started second guessing my Lap-Band decision and to continue living on 750-950 calories a day.

I did a lot of soul searching the rest of the day. I wondered if my body’s ideal weight was the upper 300s. I even tossed around the idea that perhaps this surgery is only good for quick weight loss and not for the long-term.

If I was not going to lose much more weight, why work so hard for nothing?

Why should we continue getting home after 8 at night after spending two hours at the gym?

Like it or not, I got the answer to both of those questions the next day.