Judy McCandless 1961-2005

Moira Wooten, the granddaughter of Kathy Falcon, watches as Judy McCandless’ body is taken from her home Wednesday.

Carol Stone, right, clutches the hand of Kathy Falcon and sings “How Great Thou Art” about an hour after Judy McCandless’ death. Stone would always sing McCandless a song when she would visit.

Falcon and McCandless’ sister, Janice, clutch McCandless’ hand, jaundiced by liver failure.

Judy McCandless, left, and her life partner, Kathy Falcon, share a happy moment while sitting on a bench in their rose garden in a photo taken last month at their home.

Life’s final journey

by Brian Knox

We all have a story to tell.

Our lives are like books: page one is written with the day of our birth. The final page comes with our death. What is written between those two pages is determined by how we live our life.

Judy McCandless’ final page was written Wednesday afternoon just before 3 p.m.

Just as we remember the stories long after we have put our favorite book back on the shelf, so to we remember those who have touched our lives, even after they are gone.

We are having a party.
Do you want to come?
All are invited.
We are serving all
The hugs, kisses and love
Your body can hold.
There will be singing
And dancing –
Music provided by the angels.
We are having a
I-am-going-home party.
Do you want to come?
“We are Having a Party,”words by Judy McCandles

A couple of weeks ago, two of Judy McCandless’ friends were tying small plastic ribbons to the fence around her property in order to help one of their horses see the boundary. The horse was apparently unfamiliar with the concept of an electric fence.

With the dozens of bright pink ribbons blowing in the breeze, a person driving by stopped and asked, “Are you having a party?”

When the encounter was relayed to McCandless, it inspired her to write a song.

It wasn’t the first song she had written. In fact, young children who visit her would often ask her to make up a song for them.

Her final song was one about a “going-home party.”

McCandless went “home” Wednesday afternoon from her earthly home east of Decatur, surrounded by loved ones. She was 44.
The song aptly describes McCandless’ view of dying. It is not something that should be sad. Rather, it should be a joyous occasion.

The joy comes from her faith in God and the knowledge that she will be going to a better place.

McCandless has relied on her faith to help her through her battle with ovarian cancer and, more recently, the dying process.

She recently talked about the role faith has played in her life.

“It would be hard to go through this without my faith,” she said. “When I was originally diagnosed, there were times when I would wake up at 2 in the morning scared to death and upset and I just sat down and wrote a letter to God. It was just my way of getting out my feelings. It was very healing for me to be able to do that. My church and my faith play a very important role in going through it.

The hardest part about “going home” is the fact that this is one journey in which her loved ones cannot accompany her, she said.

“I love life,” she said. “I want to be there whenever God decides to call me home. I tell people I’m probably the lucky one. When I’m called home, at least I know where I’m going, and what (is) a better place to be? It’s the friends and family left behind who will have the hard time.”

It is perhaps this concern and love for family and friends that kept McCandless clinging to life as long as she did. She has wanted to make sure they are all OK.
She was particularly concerned about her only son, Bryan McCandless, 20. Judy McCandless said last fall that she has been preparing her son for life without her for some time.

“When I was diagnosed (with cancer) in 2000, he came up to me and said, ‘Momma, I thought I was a young man and I could handle this, but I can’t. I’ve got to give it to God because I can’t do this on my own,’ ” Judy McCandless said.

“One thing I kept telling him, even before this, was ‘Brian, I can’t always be there for you. I can’t be with you at school or the bus stop, but there is someone who is always there for you, and that is God.’ ”

Early last week, even as Judy McCandless lay in a weakened state in her bed, she was concerned about finding the pump for the air mattress for guests to use to sleep on.
For those who know her, it was Judy being Judy – always thinking of others.

To the end, Judy McCandless was able to find blessings, particularly through her church.

“I get out of breath talking, I get out of breath walking, but when I go to church and we sing praise and worship, I can sing and I don’t get out of breath,” she said in an interview a couple of weeks ago. “That’s a God thing. I love it so much that God allows me to have that. That’s a real important thing to me. I love that music.”

Final preparations

Because Judy McCandless had known for some time that death was near, she was able to plan nearly every detail that families are often left to take care of after a loved one dies.

“We’ve taken care of all the hard things, like wills, financial matters, making sure all (the) paperwork is taken care of to the point we’ve already visited the funeral home and discussed my wishes,” she said in an interview last year. “I don’t have any of those burdens over me; it’s all taken care of while I’m in good health.”

She already asked her pastor from her Houston church to lead the funeral service.

Months ago, she went to DeBerry Funeral Home in Denton to make all of her funeral arrangements. She met with her lawyer to make sure her loved ones are taken care of after her death.

She created a scrapbook featuring photos of her from throughout her life. Her hope is that her son and generations to come will be able to look at the scrapbook to remember her life.

Photos that she took around her home were to be played on a slide show in the background at her viewing service Saturday. She wanted people to recognize the beauty all around us.

“This is Judy being in control,” housemate and partner Kathy Falcon said in an interview last month. “This is what she controls, because there are not a lot of things she can control now.”

Death

On Wednesday, Falcon held Judy McCandless’ hand while she passed away.

She has been by Judy McCandless’ side throughout the entire dying process.

The two have shared a bond beyond simply “housemates.”

They were a couple who loved each other deeply.

As news of Judy McCandless’ death began circulating, family and friends began to arrive to comfort each other and say a final good-bye.

Friend Carol Stone would always sing Judy McCandless a song during her visits. From across the bed, Stone clutched Falcon’s hand and they cried.

Then Stone began to sing.

The beautiful sound of the hymn “How Great Thou Art” filled the room and carried down the hallway to the living room where others had gathered.

Outside, on a nearby fence, two hummingbirds sat perfectly still looking in the direction of the bedroom window.

Judy McCandless loved hummingbirds.

For many at the home, the reality of Judy McCandless’ death hit them when the funeral home took her body from the house.

Falcon watched and cried from the front door while friends and family consoled her.

As it was exiting the driveway, the funeral home van passed by the brightly colored “party ribbons” still fluttering on the outer fence around the home.

The fence near Judy McCandless’ bedroom was bare. The hummingbirds had flown away.