MOMENT BY MOMENT - Judy McCandless, center, is comforted by loved ones - Brenda Sanner, left, and Kathy Falcon - at her Wise County home. McCandless said she wants to die at home instead of a hospital.

McCandless takes a last look of the view from her back porch.

Kathy Falcon wipes McCandless’ face after she is unable to keep any food down.

Friends and family share a few laughs and stories.

McCandless’ son, Bryan, sits at the foot of his mother’s bed as she sleeps.

Falcon gives McCandless a hug while McCandless clutches a doll made of mop rags she made as a child.

Life’s final journey

by Brian Knox

When it comes to our last days, perhaps the biggest concern is having loved ones around us.
From the looks of the bedroom where Judy McCandless lays dying, love is in abundance.

Family and friends are sitting with McCandless, giving her reassuring words, praying over her, stroking her hands and arms, singing the church songs she loves so much.

She is not alone in her journey.

Monday, July 25

Because of increasing pain, Judy McCandless has been given a morphine pump that will allow her to have a more balanced flow of the drug.

Her housemate, Kathy Falcon, is no longer working at her job. Instead, she is staying home to be with McCandless in her final days.

McCandless decides it is time to say good-bye to her horse, Sugar. Placing her hand near Sugar’s mouth, she rests her head on the horse’s muzzle.

McCandless’ family members and friends from near and far have started to arrive to say their good-byes and stay with McCandless as she prepares to die.

Tuesday, July 26

With her body weakening, McCandless asks to go outside for perhaps the last time. Falcon helps McCandless into a wheelchair and pushes her to their back porch where they watch the sunrise.

McCandless also makes what is most likely her last visit to her garden.

“She had to taste her sweet corn,” Falcon said. “She spit it out and said it was nasty.”

Apparently the corn was a different variety than the one planted last year.

Wednesday, July 27

McCandless is not able to keep any food down. Her body continues to weaken.

Her preacher, Kay Seitz, comes to the house and McCandless is given the sacraments of holy communion.

She is holding onto what little strength she has left in order to see her son, Bryan McCandless, who is flying in from Washington, D.C., with his new wife, Brenda.

“She’s been waiting for Bryan to come home,” Falcon said. “That’s what she’s been waiting for.

After some delays at the airport, Bryan McCandless arrives at his mother’s home around 11 p.m. The two share an emotional hug and are able to visit.

After their meeting, Bryan McCandless walks outside to the far end of the property where he prays.

“I started praying to God saying, ‘Please, take her tonight. Put her at rest,’ ” he said.

Thursday, July 28

Bryan McCandless walks into his mother’s room in the morning, telling no one about the prayer from last night.

“I walked in and she told me, ‘God said don’t tell Him when to take me, He’ll take me in His own time,’ ” Bryan McCandless said.

Despite not being able to eat anything and her body continuing to weaken, McCandless does not indicate that she is in any pain.

In addition to the morphine, she also receives medication that will keep her calm.

She slips in and out of sleep.

Friday, July 29

McCandless’ friend, Vivian Mae Cockburn, 60, passes away from ovarian cancer. Cockburn was the mayor of Ponder. She and McCandless both participated in Denton County’s Relay for Life this April.

Saturday, July 30

McCandless’ cat, Banyon, seems worried about her owner. Whenever the door to McCandless’ bedroom is open, the one-year-old feline darts into the room, wanting to be close to her.

When Banyon jumps on the bed close to McCandless, Falcon quickly places her hand between the cat and McCandless’ stomach because the cat had earlier jumped on McCandless.

Banyon relents, lays on her back next to Judy’s feet and begins to purr.

Sunday, July 31

McCandless’ condition has remained about the same. She sleeps most of the day, waking up for only a few brief moments.

Communication from McCandless now consists mostly of mumbles and groaning.

When McCandless indicates she is thirsty, Falcon dips a swab in water and rolls it on McCandless’ tongue. Sometimes, a few drops of water from a straw are dropped in McCandless’ mouth. She has a hard time swallowing, so Falcon rubs her throat to help her.

“Her desire is no nutrition except what she can take by mouth,” Falcon said.
McCandless indicates that she is feeling some pain in her stomach. Falcon calls the hospice nurse who comes to the home to check on McCandless.

McCandless closes her eyes and goes back to sleep while praise and worship music plays softly in the background.

Monday, Aug. 1

Friends and family who have gathered around McCandless’ bedside play a guitar and sing some of her favorite songs from church. McCandless, who is barely able to move, moves her mouth and makes an audible sound, as if she is trying to sing along.

“We caught you singing, Judy,” friend Carol Chapman said.

Outside the window near her bed, hummingbirds fly by and rest on a nearby fence where they sit without moving. Falcon said she has never noticed the hummingbirds doing that before, especially since the several feeders are on the other side of the house, and there are no flowers at the front of the house.

Falcon takes a nail file and begins to file down McCandless’ nails.

“She’s never had nails before – she’s a chewer,” Falcon said.

Carol Stone, a dear friend of McCandless, also works for a hospice. She tells those gathered in the room that this is “a perfect passing.”

“She is still bringing people together,” Stone said.

She noted that McCandless is still breathing very well, despite her weakened condition.

“She has a strong heart,” Stone said with a smile.

Although she can barely speak now, a few weeks ago McCandless talked about her last days.

She said she does not fear death.

“I know I’m going to a better place,” McCandless said. “I think once that (dying) process starts, it’s OK. I think I’m having a harder time letting go of family and friends than I thought I would. ... But once it (the dying process) actually starts, I’m OK with that. I’m not scared of that process.”

Hospice care

McCandless said she wants to die at home, not in a hospital. To assist with that process, a hospice has been assisting her since April.

A few weeks ago, when Judy McCandless was still able to take care of herself, hospice nurse Donna Burrows, who works for the Denton office of VistaCare, talked about the role hospice plays in patient care.

“Right now, our job is to come in and help her,” Burrows said. “We let her do as much as she can for as long as she can. ... We just kind of walk her through it so she can remain at home and take care of whatever symptoms she may have.

On this day, Burrows asks McCandless about her medications – are they working, is she feeling sleepy too much? Burrows said an important part of pain management is finding the balance between enough medication to fight the nausea, but not too much medication that would leave her sleepy all the time.

“A lot of people think hospice comes in and gives a bunch of medicine and puts them to sleep, but that’s not our job,” she said.

Pain affects attitude, Burrows said.

“When you are in pain, you don’t want to do anything. Your mood changes, your appetite changes. You can’t sleep. ... The biggest fear of people in hospice is dying in pain,” she said.

Burrows also checked and cleaned Judy’s port, an area where medicine can enter the bloodstream directly.

Another important job of hospice is teaching McCandless’ caregivers how to help her and what to look for.

“We have to teach,” Burrows said. “She wasn’t eating, and Kathy was afraid she would start wasting away. She was trying to make Kathy happy, so she would eat and that would just make her sicker. We had to explain that even though she is not eating, that is OK. Her body will tell her when she’s hungry. If she eats before then, she will just be miserable.”

In addition to physical help, hospice also provides for spiritual needs as well. A chaplain makes regular visits to patients such as McCandless.

“As they get close to death, they are afraid,” Burrows said. “There are things as a nurse you can’t cover with medicine. People who have been hell-raisers all their lives, when it gets close to the end, those are the ones who have the most problems. They need the most support and want to confess their sins, and until they do, they won’t go.”

This past week, hospice has continued to visit McCandless’ home. Kathy Falcon watches McCandless closely. If she indicates she is in any pain, Falcon quickly calls the hospice nurse who then comes out to the house to check on McCandless.