Posted on 12. Mar, 2012 by Brandon Evans
I refuse to “Spring Forward.” The days were getting longer on their own. Since the shortest day of the year back in December, the sunset had eased forward to a moderate time. Sunrise was just perfect.
But now, out of the blue, we have to spring forward in early March to go along with daylight savings time. We not only lose an hour of our lives, we also get plucked out of a natural rhythm of watching the days slowly grow longer as our hemisphere begins to point toward the sun during our planet’s immense journey around the sun. We can’t just enjoy the ride. No, it’s gotta be altered by big daddy government.
In 2007 Dick Cheney’s energy policy made DST even earlier to help America save energy. But several federal studies over the decades proved that DST saves minimal energy output at all. Also, a U.S. department of transportation report discovered that when time springs forward, it makes for a later sunset and the number of driving related fatalities involving children on their way to school increases by a small percent.
This year I refuse to spring forward. I’m gonna set back the clock of my phone when it automatically changes. I’m gonna live like nothing has happened. And when I get fired for being an hour late to every meeting at work, and when my girlfriend leaves me for always being late for every date, I can blame it all on my failure to conform with daylight savings time. My life would be ruined, I’d be all alone, penniless, living in a tent behind the Walmarts, all because I refused to spring forward.