OPINION COLUMNS

This is the way the world ends

By Joy Carrico | Published Wednesday, September 27, 2017
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Did you know that the world was supposed to end Saturday? I didn’t. I spent my Saturday blissfully unaware of my impending doom. I spent Sunday unappreciative of the fact that I’m still alive.

Apparently, a planet called Nibiru, or Planet X, was expected to strike Earth on that date, throwing the world into war, famine and other terrible events.

Since that date has come and gone, the self-proclaimed prophet predicting this event has revised his timetable. We’re all going to die in October, or wish we had.

Nibiru is a pesky planet. It’s somewhere between Earth-sized and four times the size of Earth – although too small for NASA to find. And it has threatened to collide with and/or pass so closely to Earth as to destroy most of humanity multiple times over the past 20 years.

In 1995, a woman in contact with extraterrestrials from the Zeta Reticuli star system through an implant in her brain let us know about Planet X (later identified as Nibiru), which would devastate our solar system in May 2003. When that didn’t happen, the Zeta Reticuli sent an “Oops, sorry” message via implant and revised the date.

It was then determined that Planet X/Nibiru would destroy humanity Dec. 21, 2012. That one got a movie named after it, so it had to be real. But Dec. 21, 2012 came and went and nothing happened.

That’s not the last of Nibiru. Now it is predicted to be colliding with Earth on Oct. 15, 2017, the revised deadline since Sept. 23 didn’t work out.

You would think a stellar phenomenon would be more reliable, but apparently the destruction of humanity is running behind schedule.

NASA, of course, has flatly denied each proclamation of this cataclysmic event. On a webpage dedicated to the subject, they claim there is no planet Nibiru on a collision course toward Earth, and that we would definitely see signs of such a thing years ahead of the actual event. And although they have successfully predicted the non-destruction of Earth by the non-collision with the non-planet, what else would you expect from a government entity but denial?

Here are some other dates when the world was meant to end:

  • Grigori Rasputin predicted Aug. 23, 2013, as the date that a storm would create a fire which would destroy most life on land and the Second Coming would commence. Rasputin died in 1916, having been poisoned, then repeatedly shot, then finally drowned. His murder was unrelated to this prediction, as far as I know.
  • June 30, 2012, was to mark the date that world governments and economies would fail and followers of a certain prophet would undergo a transformation that would allow them to fly and walk through walls.
  • In addition to the December doomsday prediction, the world was also meant to end on May 27, 2012.
  • The world was meant to end twice in 2011, sometime in 2010, in 2007, 2006, 2003 (as mentioned above) and 2001.
  • The year 2000 was a big year for our utter annihilation. The Y2K computer glitch was meant to get us on Jan. 1. When that didn’t happen, we still had April 6 or May 5 to look forward to. Finally, when those dates passed without mass extinction, there were any number of predictions for “sometime in 2000,” so we held our breath that entire year.

I could keep going back and back through time. Wikipedia mentions more than 50 separate predictions that the world would end at various times between 1900 and 1999.

In fact, it doesn’t take much internet surfing to find predictions of the world’s end going back at least several millenia. Humans, and occasionally altruistic aliens from Zeta Reticuli, love to predict their own destruction. They keep doing it.

If Oct. 15 comes and goes with no action of this sort, we need not be concerned that we won’t see the end coming. There are future predictions on the books.

The world will end in 2020, 2021, 2026, 2060, 2129, 2239, 2280 and/or 11120 (which seems a little too far out to worry about).

For the more scientifically minded, there’s also predictions of the natural end of things. As soon as 300,000 years from now, it’s predicted that a supernova will possibly put Earth in jeopardy. And if we skirt past that danger, we can be sure to know that in 10 duotrigintillion years (thats 1 with 100 zeros following it, by the way), the universe will suffer heat death, killing everything in it.

Joy Carrico is a Messenger graphic artist. She’s got her fingers crossed we’ll cheat the apocalypse once again on Oct. 15 because she has plans Oct. 16.

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