OPINION COLUMNS

Coffee shop competition: is it for your future?

By Gerre Joiner | Published Saturday, August 13, 2016
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I’m pretty well convinced that when one considers charisma, charm and knowledge in general, my coffee shop is among the best. I’ve heard from friends that we should have a “coffee shop competition” among county seat cities like ours.

Gerre Joiner

Gerre Joiner

Competition rules would require competing coffee shop groups to compete at the local, regional, then state levels … much like the process through which young ladies go as they aspire to be crowned Miss Texas (or wherever else they are unfortunate enough to live). Judges could be secured from a pool of unbiased elected officials. (Reader: Do you know the meaning of the word “oxymoron”?)

The “better than average” coffee shop groups could rise to the top as questions like the following are asked:

Whose quotes are the following:

  • “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” (FDR)
  • “Never miss a good chance to shut up.” (Will Rogers)
  • “Don’t be so humble. You’re not that great.” (Golda Meir)
  • “A lie goes halfway around the world before the truth can get its pants on.” (Winston Churchill)
  • “Everybody pities the weak; jealousy you have to earn.” (Arnold Schwarzenegger)
  • “I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.” (Thomas Jefferson)
  • “Get your facts first. Then you can distort them as you please.” (Mark Twain)
  • “Roses are red, violets are blue. I’m schizophrenic, and so am I.” (Oscar Levant)
  • “I never said most of the things I said.” (Yogi Berra)
  • “I love mankind. It’s people I can’t stand.” (Charles M. Schulz)
  • “If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.” (Theodore Roosevelt)

Now, regarding Texas history, the moderator could ask the contestants/sippers the following questions:

  • The term ‘maverick’ is derived from the name Samuel A. Maverick, an early Texas lawyer and pioneer.” True or false?
  • The bowie knife is named after the Alamo hero Jim Bowie. His brother, Rezin, designed the hefty weapon. True or false?
  • It is still a hanging offense in Texas to steal cattle or to put graffiti on someone else’s cow. True or false?
  • The Rick Husband Amarillo International Airport has the third largest runway in the world and is the alternate landing site for the space shuttle. True or false?
  • Texas is larger than every country in Europe. True or false?

Reader, please note: I didn’t answer the true/false questions for you. I’m thinking you can Google those questions for yourself.

Now for the invitation: If you would like to learn how to use Google on your phone (preferably iPhone), please let me know. I’d be pleased to teach my friends (especially senior adults) how to “find stuff out” on the internets. Call or text me at 940-399-8863, and we’ll figure out if there’s enough interest to have a class.

If you learn how to Google, there might be a future for you on my coffee shop team.

Gerre Joiner is a semi-retired church musician and has lived in Decatur since 1999.

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