OPINION COLUMNS

A (third graders-inspired) letter to Santa

By Brian Knox | Published Saturday, December 10, 2016
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Dear Santa,

We here at the Wise County Messenger in Decatur, Texas, U.S.A., know the importance of planning ahead for any possible problems that may arise in our production of a newspaper so that we can ensure the timely delivery of said newspaper by our deadline.

As someone who also works with a pretty hard deadline himself, we thought you might be open to some advice on your deliveries as well.

We also know that, as adults, we sometimes lose a bit of that magical wonder of Christmas that can only be found in the hearts of children.

Brian Knox

Brian Knox

So, we enlisted the help of third graders in our county to help us come up with possible solutions to common problems or issues that may arise on Christmas Eve.

For instance, we know reindeer have been a reliable mode of transportation for you for a long time, but we also know that reindeer, like all living creatures, can get sick from time to time. Do you have a back-up plan in case your magical reindeer can’t fly on the big night?

Here are some suggestions given by our third grade Christmas experts:

1. The RMS Titanic. Now, we know that it has been at the bottom of the North Atlantic for 104 years, but hear us out on this.

First, it’s not TOO far to get there from the North Pole. Second, another child suggested the use of a time machine to go back in time to give presents to kids who were around before you were, but we believe you can also use that time machine to go back to a time when the Titanic was still in operation. (Quick note: you might want to get it before its maiden voyage, and also, invest in some iceberg warning systems.)

Now that you have a ship, think about all the space you will have to store presents! Also, as our child expert pointed out, the world is mostly covered with water, so it makes sense to use a marine vessel. Plus, it can be powered on Christmas spirit, saving the coal to be used to fill the stockings of naughty children instead.

2. A pickup truck. A BIG red pickup truck.

Look, we live in Texas, so we know a thing or two about pickup trucks. They can haul just about anything you want.

While none of our pickups around here have “no wheel drive” as a standard option, we are pretty sure you have some magic dust you can sprinkle on it to make it airborne.

Also, rocket boosters. Strap a couple of those on as well.

3. While reindeer get most of the attention, there are other magical creatures out there as well, including unicorns, glowing butterflies, Pegasuses (Pegasi?) or even superheroes like Batman or Superman.

Also, a couple of kids mentioned something called magic cats, but you know how temperamental they can be so, you know, harness up the kitties at your own risk.

Our local kids are really appreciative of everything you do for all the children all around the world, and many plan on leaving you a gift this year.

We hope you don’t think we are getting too personal here, but at least one child is a little worried about your beard getting a little out of control. No shave November is over, after all, so you might be getting a razor as a present from one of our children.

And another child will likely give you a new jacket because, eww, gross, you’ve been wearing that one for, like, ever.

One child suggested giving you a time machine, and for some reason, I suspect the child will use it himself to go back in time and alter this letter to suggest YOU use a time machine to travel back in time to use the Titanic for present delivery.

I’d prefer you stick to the magic cats, personally.

Sincerely,
Brian Knox

P.S. These kids have a lot more thoughts on Christmas they’d like to share with you. Be sure to read our Holiday Greetings special section in our Wednesday, Dec. 21, issue of the Wise County Messenger. Reading it will definitely put you in the Christmas spirit.

Brian Knox is special projects manager for the Messenger.

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