Get out of the car!

By Gerre Joiner | Published Saturday, October 12, 2013

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Saw my friend Evan Culpepper in the Wal-Mart parking lot yesterday. He noticed I looked like I had lost my pickup.

I had lost my pickup.

Gerre Joiner

Gerre Joiner

I wasn’t close enough for the key fob to trigger the “find my truck” feature (the horn). Evan knows that I’m not a rocket surgeon or a brain scientist, but I hope he doesn’t think I lose my pickup often.

Reminded me of a story I heard recently. I did a little research, and it appears to be a true story.

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping, and upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, “I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!”

The four men didn’t wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and get into the driver’s seat.

She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why.

A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and then drove to the police station. She told her story to an officer. He laughed and pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a carjacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than 5 feet tall, glasses, curly white hair and carrying a large handgun.

If this story had happened in Decatur instead of a city in Florida, I believe I know what might have triggered the little lady’s rampage. It was the cart!

The rhythmic thump-thump-thump of the wheels on the shopping carts at Wal-Mart has been traced to a newly-diagnosed syndrome they’re calling cart rage. Shoppers have been known to exhibit aggressive behavior after pushing the thumping cart for only a few moments.

OK … I invented the cart rage syndrome story. But I’m thinking it could happen!

Gerre Joiner is a semi-retired church musician and has lived in Decatur since 1999.

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