I have never been through a haunted house.
I’m terrified of them and convinced that my heart couldn’t handle it.When I was a kid, the high school juniors always had a haunted house under the gym’s bleachers during the Halloween carnival, but I never went through.
I could hear the screams while I was at the duck pond or cake walk. Why would I want to leave that good time for a sloppy gorefest that was sure to burn terrible images into my mind?
Besides, it was common knowledge among the elementary students that the big kids used an electric cattle prod on everyone to encourage a quick exit.
I wanted none of that.
Although I never walked through a haunted house, I ended up helping plan the frightful event when my junior year rolled around. I even had a role.
I remember nothing of the other scenes, but I was a “patient” in a room about halfway through. (Coincidentally, this was also my acting debut.)
I laid on a “surgery table” with raw meat piled on my stomach to represent my internal organs spilling from my gut. A male classmate stood over me as the maniacal doctor whose primary surgical tool was a chainsaw.
As I let loose my best blood-curdling screams, he wielded the running chainsaw over me as if he was about to finish me off.
That was my only line – one long, never-ending scream.
I have no idea if we actually scared anyone, and the end result for me was a splitting headache from the screaming, coupled with gas fumes, not to mention a ruined T-shirt.
I had actually borrowed one of my dad’s undershirts for the occasion, so I had to break it to him he was short one Fruit of the Loom.
I haven’t been in a haunted house since, and I realized I was probably not well-suited for acting, either.
Alvord Project Graduation is having a haunted house 6:30 to 11 p.m. Saturday, Oct. 27, and 6:30 to 10 p.m. Wednesday, Oct. 31, at the old Alvord Middle School, behind Alvord Express.
But if you’re like me and that prospect is too scary for you, you may want to check out a variety of other Halloween and fall-themed events in Wise County this weekend. For a list of local activities, visit wcmess.com/halloween to plan your route for Halloween haunting and optimal candy collection.
Just steer clear of chain saws.